Sisters~

Assalamualaikum and a very good morning..

It's raining here, while I have a lot of laundry. I'm not alone but it feels like I'm HOME ALONE. Well, I guess because somebody is still in his bed sleeping tight. My mother went out for "kenduri" while my big brother brings my sister and little brother for some outing.

It's my sister I want to talk about. I don't know why she is the the way she is. I can feel and sense that she is somehow jealous of me in a way that I can't accept.

She always stress that I have many clothes, that I shopped a lot, that I travels and have fun a lot which I found ridiculous. What was she trying to say? Of course I need new clothes that I live somewhere else than this homey home. I need to attend classes and programs more than her, that is for sure.

Yet, she said I travel a lot already given that I'm am older than her and need to study far away from home. While she was in secondary school she had already travel a lot more than I am when I was at her age. I went no where around that age, not even school trip. Never.

She envy me that I went here and there during my Uni life. She have no idea what that programs were for? They were in the curricular. I need to join for marks, not simply for the sake of having fun or the certificate. It's for me to pass the Uni.

She had been to many places more than I am, yet she keeps saying that I have more. While she is trying hard to be at places more than I am, I always refuse to go to places because I don't want her and my little brother to feel envy. I never been to the Zoo Negara just like my little brother, so when my friend invited me long ago, I refused just for the sake of my only little brother. Every time I went out, I couldn't stop thinking of buying my brother and sister new clothes. Oh, they will certainly fit this and love that. Ask my friend, how many times that I bought something just for myself.

It's not that I want to make it clear of what a good sister I am, but, having siblings who envy you for most of the normal things sounds freakishly bad. Of course I experience more than her given that I live longer and I need to study and give my best to be at the place I was located- Uni. I don't simply went to school and came back telling my mother I want to go here and there for the sake that all my friends are going and for certificate - thanks to the educational rumors that  for a student to enter the Uni you need more certificate - like whatever. I don't have such thing.

I guess I always tell these to my sister every time she said I have gone to more places, having more fun, have more clothes - I live in two places - Uni and home!. Does she expect me to carry a full luggage here and there every time I went to my college and come back home?


Who was the one being left out every time our family had a trip if it was not me because I was in my Uni- struggle to success.

Please, little sister. Stop being jealous. You will have your chances too. I guess you already grabbed so many already. You were able to join your friends in school trips which I NEVER DID - I hate asking for money more than school fees and for books. You were able to buy your own clothes you like, while I started to be able to do that only during my matriculation - a pair of white jeans.

You will go out too later, just like me. So, please be patient and understand how horrible it feels having a sister whom get jealous to you for simple little things. I feel like an awful sis you know?

I will have my own money soon, and all that I wish for all my life is to bring you, our mother and little brother for a vacations, buy things and those I don't have while I was at your age.

I had a chance to come along with my big brother but I refuse to say a thing because I want both of you to have fun and feels that I don't go as much. Enjoy your ride where ever you go- I wish.

I guess this is what sisters feel for each other. Sometimes you just adore and love your sister, while sometimes you can't help but being jealous or "dislike".

I added this few minutes after - my lil bro just called. He told me I miss a big chance because they are in Genting - and I was just like "so what?". But, as he talked to our mom the truth is that they are to go to some Tasik Ampangan- sort of- a place where people fly kites. See? Where ever and when ever they were out some where they would and will call me to make sure I'm jealous -this happened so many times already- yet they keep saying things like I travel so much already. I find this irritating. Cut it out already. I'm a grown up!