A Chaos Mind~

Assalamualaikum

It's about 6.00pm. The weather is still warm a bit. I still need to turn on the fan.

I can't say more but I feel worry. Well, my big bro entered the operation theater at 3.00pm, and it's already six. My cousin said that he will give a call once the surgery ended.

I just can't stand looking at my mom's face. She was like very sad and anxious yet she tries her best to hide it. She's waiting.

My big bro had asked my 4th bro to send my 3rd bro to the hospital to accompany him, but my 4th bro is now busy working as he is alone in the workshop and there are still so many works to be done. We had asked around but no one could help, everyone has their own reason. Well, for certain people; we just can't ask for help- we better not- that's how we think.

I rarely talk about the difficulties in details, but my mom is worry. I can't say a thing and can do nothing. This is when I feel awful that I don't have my driving license. If only I had enough money back than, when I already registered to take one.

I guess, it can't be helped. We planned, but God determines.

For me, an orthopedic surgery feels like nothing. But, for lay people like my mom, it's everything and watching her makes me worry too. I just couldn't help but thinking about how my late father involved in an accident and he was the bread winner. and now, it's my big brother. It is just his right hand and shoulder but for a technician it's everything. He is our main bread winner now.

We will be having my 4th bro wedding at the end of September. My convocation...I will keep a silent for now.

Now, I just wish for a bright future in my work field. I want to have money. Much of money. It's embarrassing to be a person aiming for money but I guess that's the only aim I have now. I guess money can solve many things nowadays.

I hope everything would be just fine. Please don't let my mom worry so much.

Hmm..

I guess it is time for me to start a part time job.