I am a 35 years old single mother~

Assalamualaikum..

Surprise?? Yes, a 35 years old single mother- this is how I feel lately. Waking up in the morning just thinking about chores to be done, and a baby to be taking care of.

In the morning, when the parents out for work I will stay beside him. Ensure he is clean while having my laundry washed by the automatic washing machine. Then, I will feed him and Awish (if he wants to) which normally will take half an hour or more.

Then, after that I need to take a chance to clean up the house -which always been a mess- and keep my eyes on Is. He is naughty enough that he will always pick on Awish - whom can only lie on his back or sit with help. He might just hit him, or even bite that poor little boy.

Then, I need to bath Is- which sometimes might cause him to cry like I was about to kill him- and put him in his cloth is always terrible. He prefer being in his bare skin, I guess.

While fight and wrestle for him to sleep - provide some warm milk will sometimes help- most often I have to sing and in a worse scenario I have to carry him around to put him to close his sleepy eyes.

I usually finished my laundry only at noon. Why? A lazy bum? Well, with 10 head in the house, what do you expect? I need to steel time to hang the clothes. Is always climb the window watching me hanging the laundry. He may sit still, or just mumbling nonsense. Or he may cry- or making sad sound - pretending to be sad.

At noon, if he is not asleep, I will have no chance to sleep. He will bum onto me, or hit me and scream all his heart out. He just can't take people closing their eyes. If he is sleeping, than I am cool. I can read my novel or close my eyes.

Ah, I am now reading an English novel, Defrosting Charlotte. A story around a single mother - left by her partner- and end up with depression. This makes me a 35 years old single mother even more- as you get into the story line.

In the afternoon, if he is not having a bad mood, will play diligently, or else he will cry for a walk hysterically. I have to worry about his diaper rash. I have to worry whether he eats or not, is his diaper wet or has he poo-poo.

Oh, forgot about the dishes. I have to clean them all too- while he is sleeping or playing kindly alone- starring outside the house.

The prayers. I need to wait for my sister to come home from school, of course. But, how can you depend on a 19 years old acting like 9? I am a mother. I just feel like I am. Lying on the couch while the baby is sleeping reading my mother-related novel. Watching TV in the night with the thought entertaining your boring day yet to find myself sleeping in the end. Tired of being a mother all day long.

And the fact that I am complaining here and there, sighing of tiredness I am just an old tired mother.

* maybe, I am lacking of sincerity. "Lillahita'ala" might help, right?

Got to go. My mom went out to my grandparent's- ask my grand dad for a massage- not feeling very well. Is, my sister and I are the only person home. His parent is not home yet.

Bye~