A Chaos Mind~

Assalamualaikum

It's about 6.00pm. The weather is still warm a bit. I still need to turn on the fan.

I can't say more but I feel worry. Well, my big bro entered the operation theater at 3.00pm, and it's already six. My cousin said that he will give a call once the surgery ended.

I just can't stand looking at my mom's face. She was like very sad and anxious yet she tries her best to hide it. She's waiting.

My big bro had asked my 4th bro to send my 3rd bro to the hospital to accompany him, but my 4th bro is now busy working as he is alone in the workshop and there are still so many works to be done. We had asked around but no one could help, everyone has their own reason. Well, for certain people; we just can't ask for help- we better not- that's how we think.

I rarely talk about the difficulties in details, but my mom is worry. I can't say a thing and can do nothing. This is when I feel awful that I don't have my driving license. If only I had enough money back than, when I already registered to take one.

I guess, it can't be helped. We planned, but God determines.

For me, an orthopedic surgery feels like nothing. But, for lay people like my mom, it's everything and watching her makes me worry too. I just couldn't help but thinking about how my late father involved in an accident and he was the bread winner. and now, it's my big brother. It is just his right hand and shoulder but for a technician it's everything. He is our main bread winner now.

We will be having my 4th bro wedding at the end of September. My convocation...I will keep a silent for now.

Now, I just wish for a bright future in my work field. I want to have money. Much of money. It's embarrassing to be a person aiming for money but I guess that's the only aim I have now. I guess money can solve many things nowadays.

I hope everything would be just fine. Please don't let my mom worry so much.

Hmm..

I guess it is time for me to start a part time job.

Bila orang dah Tak Suka~

Assalamualaikum..

Korang pernah tak rasa, semua orang tak nak cakap dengan korang? Atau pernah tak korang rasa, korang kalau boleh tak nak cakap langsung dengan seseorang? Hakikatnya, kalau perkara tu berlaku keadaan tu memang menakutkan.

Kalau kita asyik pecah amanah, tak jujur, buat benda-benda yang orang tak suka, perangai pun degil je, seolah-olah tak pernah fikir kepentingan orang lain, tak ada sesiapa nak berurusan dengan kita. Aku rasa ia sangat mengerikan.

Bila semua orang berbual, bergelak ketawa, kita cuba mencelah, tapi langsung tak dihiraukan- situasi itu sangat menyedihkan. Tapi, kalau kita di pihak yang tak menghiraukan tu, walaupun terasa sangat menyedihkan disebabkan ke"menyampah"an yang tak dapat dibendung dah tak mungkin kita akan hiraukan orang tu. Cuba la nak berpura-pura macam mana pun, akan nampak dan terasa plastiknya.

Semua akibat perbuatan sendiri. Bila orang mintak tolong, diseleweng jauh. Bila ada masalah, macam-macam alasan diberi. Hidup macam tak ada arah tuju, tak ada sesiapa nak ajak jadi teman berbual. Hiduplah dalam dunia sendiri. Sebabnya, semua orang semakin dewasa, tapi kalau kita masih lagi kat dalam dunia nak senang-senang, tak sedar diri dah meningkat usia, itulah akibatnya.

Sesekali orang mungkin boleh terima, tapi, bila dah selalu sangat, terimalah akibatnya. masyarakat hakikatnya tak mahu dengan orang yang menampakkan keburukan sendiri. So, jagalah hubungan dengan manusia. Mungkin ada urusan dan hubungan dengan Allah yang masih belum terjaga- maka, manusia tak melihat sebarang hubungan dengan kita. Janganlah sampai orang dah tak suka. Hiduplah sebagai manusia. Jaga amanah, jaga perangai. Jadilah orang yang bertanggungjawab.


Wallahua'lam.