How should I say this?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah.

I'm scheduling this post.

While I was writing my previous entry, there are thoughts coming.

1. Bajet baik.

2. I'm too choosy.

3. Maybe I should listen to them.

But, it's not as simple. I am a survivor. I faced too much, that I could not raise the white flag. I've struggled. Too many tragedies.

Please, support me as I want just for this one. You can say I'm bad and not good enough but please don't persuade me to abandon this one. Not this one too, please.

All I want is God's love that I hardly feel before. Now that I started to feel and understand, don't make me choose. Don't make me to choose. You make me waver.

I'm too weak. I'm still too weak now. I'm building my strength every single day, every single second. Please, for this one, support me. Just for this one is enough.

Don't go around and say, "you should try and leave that principe of yours, just to gain experience."

I'm tired as I need to fight with the thought coming.

"Maybe, I should listen to them. Maybe, I am too choosy. Maybe, they are right. Maybe, I should try for a certain sometime."

The maybes are too many. Because it's not just a mere principal. It's much bigger, don't you think? It's the pure religion.

But, I thank those who said, "God wants to open another windows for you," so much. You people are awesome. You understand.

I feel like crying inside. It's difficult for me if I fight alone. I'm not strong enough. I'm not. Never did.

p/s: Aku bukan mintak tak nak sentuh pesakit lelaki, sebab ia adalah terlalu mustahil untuk  dijalankan pada waktu dan ketika ini. Aku cuma menolak untuk kerja tak pakai tudung (anak tudung sahaja), adakah permintaan aku terlalu melampau? Aku tak larat nak dengar dah orang suruh cuba. Aku tergugat jugak tau tak?